When I was in mid 20’s I was a fool to fall in love ONLINE. It lasted for nearly 5 yrs (2001 – 2006). My family knew abt it. Although they’re definitely not OK with it, they went along with the flow. They too believed in what I believed. The guy wasn’t the ‘wrong’ guy. He just needed bit more time. Which my family could not agree to. (already 5 yrs is long enough!)
With him I went thru good, bad n worse days of that time. From the 2nd yr onwards my family had rejected a lot of marriage proposals (unintentionally!). Being the daughter, I couldn’t see them go thru any more. So on 2005 Dec, I stepped down from being a lover n thought its time to do my DUTY of a daughter. My dad said “what’s the heck in trying”.. But secretly he left no stone unturned to make sure the marriage takes place. It sadly did happen after a lot of NATURAL obstacles.
I believe when we intend to do something thinking it’s the RIGHT thing to do n GOD lets it happen smoothly, it means, GOD’s willing it too. But when something we thinking its RIGHT or do anything WRONG SECRETLY, then we DEFINITELY come across a lot of obstacle, which eventually means GOD is giving signs to STOP there, but being human we still don’t understand n move on.
Likewise, so many obstacles came on the way, but still my family moved on even if my gut feeling wasn’t agreeing with it. Eventually after one month, I had to separate. Coz the guy n his family were cheats and theft our valuables. As I was unaware of their condition with my family on ‘not’ having a wedding night until their terms are fulfilled, I had to be back to my house like as if I went for a party or something. But unfortunately the very next day, when we were invited for lunch at the grooms house, I got raped by the groom. He whispered in my ears not to talk abt it to anyone n make sure i don’t get pregnant. After many more ugly incidents following that, we got separated for GOOD.
On getting deceived in LOVE n ugly MARRIED life, I was in depression for nearly a yr. I blamed my family to enforce me n not let me choose my love, no matter how much delayed it would have been. I didn’t talk to dad at all for many months. He felt mentally tortured. And my family gave me the so called ‘PERMISSION’ to get married to whoever I love n who respects me.
Secretly in depression, I was going to dogs. Did everything possible to ruin myself from within (except taking drugs). But since May 2008, I met my savior. I pray to GOD every day for sending him in my life. He puts me at a high esteem, respects every my decision, supports n guides me to the right path n most importantly, till date, tries to turn me into a POSITIVE THINKER.
Since my separation till now I’ve come across many men of RAINBOW faces. I’ve always been a OPEN person, who loves to share my life story, my experiences n make friends too. No matter whoever I made friends with, my sweet mom, the emotional BEST blackmailer, was aware of it. In fact, she kept on injecting in my mind who she THINKS suits me for marriage, even if any GUY is younger than me. For me every relation has its boundaries. Never liked the idea of a marrying a friend.
But with my savior sweetheart, he started off being a good listener, a soul partner who gradually expressed his romantic feelings towards me. After my last failed marriage I never wanted to marry or fall in love again. But with him, I guess everything just happened and I came with the flow.
Now, the situation is like, my sweet mother, after noticing a lot that am happy talking to a particular guy gave signs of interest to ‘talk’ to him to check him out ‘out of her life’s experience’ if the guy is suitable for me.. seeing her signs, i suddenly once made him talk to her.. he didnt have any issue with it, neither did my mom.. she really liked his manners, style n even said it seemed he belongs to a good family..
But, suddenly one fine day, my mom incidentally asked me if I was serious abt him (though he told me not to talk abt our relation until it’s the right time, mood n situation).. I told mom that ya I love him n he loves me more n we’ve plan to marry.. she just changed
She now curses him, says “I can write it down to u that he’ll not marry u n still if u wana get married to him, then get out of the family name. I would rather keep u unmarried than to get u married to him”.
I said “if not him, then no one”.. mom was like “ok. I would keep u unmarried at one corner of the room n if ur younger sister comes across any obstacle in getting married to a nice boy we like for her, then u should be responsible for it. At least then I can say my elder daughter DOES NOT wana get married at all.”
I sense strong family ties, especially with the Mother.
You are a grown woman, I realize that your background and cultural differences, but it really is your life. And you definitely need a change from what you are doing up to this point.
Join a group, take classes, travel, just completely change your routine. Love will find you when and if you are ready.
You have been trying to please too many people up to this point. Do some things that make You happy, fulfilled and find peace.
I wish you sincere best wishes and please do not dwell on the past, but prepare for the future, by first getting yourself under control….love will find you..and you won’t have to sneak around about it, settle for less than you deserve or ask any-ones opinion,or what they think. What you think, is the most important. good luck to you and thank you.